It seems that since I have decided to give my self completely over to God and to his will that I am constantly learning something about myself or about the way I lead my life. I have always enjoyed planning out my life and setting goals for myself. There is a challenge in doing so that I used to thrive on. I have come to learn however that it is almost impossible to continue this and still be completely in Gods will. I mean I have committed myself to do exactly as he would have me to do. Which also means that my goals that I have set for myself may be nowhere in His plan for my life. And if I were to continue to follow after the goals I have set not only would I be out of His will but also I would be delaying the plans he has for me.

This has been a hard adjustment for me. I am used to being able to measure my accomplishments and track my success because I know where I wanted to end up. When I decided to accept Gods direction in my life and give Him total control I also accepted the fact that I could work for any period of time and never see any results until He was ready to show them to me. I also accepted the fact that there are no plans to be made until they are given to me and I am told in the direction that I am supposed to go in. I am not used to that. I am used to being able to prepare myself before I set out in a certain direction. With God in control I don't always know where I am going until right before I set out. I don't know how long I will be going in that direction until I am told to go another way.

The lesson I have learned is that when you trust God you need to trust Him. He may listen to input, but he doesn't need it. He already has the plan and knows the outcome. He just needs us to follow the plan. I have learned that it is usually really easy to set out in this direction in the beginning but it always more than likely gets harder as you go along; especially if you are used to being in control like I was and always having knowledge of the plan. I have also learned that the only times I am ever disappointed, let down, frustrated or hurt is when I have tried to take control again and lead myself. This walk and relationship is totally and completely based on faith. Faith is something I have never been really good at since it requires belief in things that aren't always visible or known. It sometimes also requires you putting trust in something or someone other than yourself which makes us vulnerable and that is very uncomfortable.

I have come to realize though that God made me. He has set out plans for my life that will help accomplish His purpose and His will. He made me and he knows me better than I know myself. How then or why then would he allow anything to harm me or destroy me? He wouldn't! I am a part of his plan and his purpose. My success in accomplishing his work is a necessary part of his plan. And my being vulnerable is a prerequisite to me being able to be used. As long as I continue to stay in his will and follow the direction he has for my life, I will be successful--His glory depends on it!!!