Forgiveness was a hard thing for me to understand. Okay maybe not such a hard thing for me to understand as it was a hard thing for me to do. Even harder than was for me to actually accept it. Then the hardest of all forgetting that which I had just forgiven or been forgiven of.

I mean I know that I have done some pretty bad things in my short lifetime. Some of those things, I have to admit, were done maliciously and with full intent of inflicting the damage that was done. While I am confessing, I may as well say that I even reveled in the damage that I had caused. Knowing this about myself and that I consider my self to be pretty typical when it comes to humanity, how could I not think twice about forgiving someone knowing that they could be just like I was? If they were intending to hurt me or cause some kind of damage why should I take the time to forgive them? Lets go a step further. Again knowing now what I have confessed about the bad things I have done in the past, how could anyone forgive me? Why should they if what I had done was intentional or I felt no remorse for it? Even if I was remorseful, how could my apology make up for the magnitude of damage or evil that I had caused? Then after I had been hurt I am just supposed to forget it? Or knowing the extent of damage that I caused and the mindset I had when I caused it I am supposed to pretend like it never happened once I apologized?

The forgiveness part gets easier. I mean if Christ who was perfect in every way decided to forgive us how could I hold back my forgiveness like it was a luxury or something that had to be earned? In fact not only did He forgive us but He died and shed His blood for any other sins we might commit. And again if Christ is able to forgive me for having to come to earth to die for sins he never committed, how is it that I should refrain from forgiving myself? The hardest part of the forgiveness part is the forgetting and letting go.

The bible says that once we repent of our sins God separates us from our sins as far as the east is from the west. This may be the case but depending on the magnitude of the transgression it may feel like the aftermath of the sin never left your side. I have really beat myself up over the recurring thoughts of sin that I was supposed to have been forgiven of. I thinking about this I have come to a theory like conclusion that makes sense.

Our lives are like a garden. We have both fertile and unfertile ground in us. The fertile ground is our virtues like faith, prayer, worship and the like. The unfertile ground is our sins. When we repent or ask for forgiveness the weeds which grow in our unfertile ground are ripped up from the roots and taken away from us. In their place lies an empty hole. What the God does is takes those weeds (sins) from us and processes them into a mulch and fills the empty hole with it. He takes the sin forgives us of it and then turns it into something that is going to help our ground become fertile. Sure the sin is forgiven and no longer has root in us but it continues to stay with us in a more useful form. The mulch he turns our sins into becomes our testimony. What we were delivered from and how we were changed. Our memory of sin does not remain with us to continue to taunt us with our own humanity or that of other people or to prevent us from becoming vulnerable to people for fear that they might sin against us again. Our memory of sin remains with us so we celebrate the forgiving nature of God and His faithfulness to forgive and redeem. It remains with us so we can show the glory of God and his ability to change barren land into fertile ground.

The next time you have repented for a sin and it comes creeping back up like it was never gone, just think of your garden and Praise God for your testimony. The sin has been forgiven, but it doesn't have to be forgotten.


Mike Aguilar, January 2002