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"The Lord
does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the
Lord looks on the heart". 1 Samuel 16:7
I have
been dealing with some issues lately. I mean there has been a lot from my
past that has been creeping up on me lately. Without giving any glory to the
enemy, it could easily be said and understood as true, to say that my life
before Christ was chock full of just about every kind of sin there is.
Tonight for some reason it all came rushing into my head when I was getting
ready for work. You would think that it would have bombarded me all night
but it really didn't hit me until I looked into the mirror.
Now I understand I am no Antonio Sabato Jr., but I am by no means an ogre.
As I was grooming my hair and brushing my teeth, I couldn't help but have my
eyes fixated on my reflection in the mirror. It hit me just then, in a
course of maybe five minutes. The man I was looking at in the mirror was the
one that was responsible for all that I was feeling. He was responsible for
all that I was dealing with. He was the one that committed every sin that I
was now feeling so horrible about. And in that same instant that I realized
this, I hated that man. I also realized that the man in the mirror was me.
I know
that I am forgiven for all that I have done in the past. I know that every
sin I committed intentional or unintentional was paid for when Jesus died on
the cross, long before I was even born. I mean there is no doubt in my mind
that God has taken the time to single me out and forgive each and every one
of the sins that I have committed in His sight. Still the guilt and shame of
all that I have done in the past came over me and actually overtook me for a
moment. Realizing what was happening I asked God to show me what was going
on. Actually I didn't have to ask God for the help, He just began speaking
to me as I continued to look in the mirror.
What I was looking at was my flesh. I was looking at my former master. I was
looking at the man I was a slave to. I did everything my flesh wanted me to
do. I tried to satisfy its every need and desire and was successful in doing
so most of the time. I was finally seeing my flesh for what it was. I was
looking at it from a spiritual standpoint now that I have chosen to lead
life with my spirit and not my flesh. I was angry because who I was looking
at was not the person that I wanted representing who I am. And that's when
God spoke loud and clear.
I had finally made the separation of my flesh and my spirit. Who I was
looking at was not who I am. Who I was looking at was who I used to be.
While I may still be in the same body I was in before I dedicated my life to
following Jesus, I became a new creature when I decided to take up my cross
and follow him. New not in the sense of a new body or a totally new
identity, but he renewed my sprit and gave me and purified my heart. When he
forgave me he took my sins and removed them from me as far as the east is
from the west so that I would not have to live under their consequences. To
speak to Him of sins that have been forgiven is talk to Him regarding things
that never existed. He forgets them because I am a new creature in His eyes
and not the man in the mirror.
Mike Aguilar
February 2002
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